Fear, Lack, Faith, Trust

Grace and Peace Loved Ones!

There are some words that most people would not use to describe me, painfully shy and fearful.  These two words have dictated my existence so strongly that on occasion I have not been able to function.  How can that possibly be?  I travel hundreds of miles singing for the Lord for a handful or a few hundred. And me, shy?  I have learned to make myself talk to people I don’t know.  Why?  Because I know that I am called to do a greater work, to introduce the Lord to those who don’t know Him and to encourage those who feel lost and broken.

From the moment I was born, singing has been my life’s dream.  I cut my teeth on the arts, acting, dancing, music and writing and I have longed to use these artistic gifts for the glory of God since I became a Christian in my mid-twenties.  But even before I became a Christian, I was so fearful to pursue my dreams that I missed opportunities, never took chances and stayed silent when I should have spoken out.  Before I was even called to sing for the Lord, the devil worked to destroy my confidence so that by the time I came to know the Lord I still was fearful to pursue my artistic dreams for His glory.

But not anymore! I’ve spent the last year doing all types of things that I would never do because it made me fearful.  I recently auditioned to sing the National Anthem for the Jacksonville Suns, I was so scared, I made myself sick, but by the power of the Lord I did it anyway.  Last year I entered a showcase sponsored by the Christian Women in Media, I didn’t win the grand prize, but I did make the top ten!  And this year, I have decided I won’t hold back, anything and everything that I’ve dreamed of doing, that the Lord gives me the go ahead to do, I am going to do.  Fear will have no place, because God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind.

So many times we let fear, or lack, or age or doubt keep us from the victory that the Lord has in store.  I’ve had to develop the tools to break past these limitations and truly trust in the Almighty God who believes in me more then I believe in myself.  Come on over to the blog on May 20^th, June 1^st, June 16^th and July 1^st and check out my series on the 4 Things That Keep You From Achieving Your God Given Dream.  There is much work to do, let’s not let our selves get in the way of God’s perfect will for our lives!

Don’t forget to visit the blog at www.naimajohnston.blogspot.com to follow a special series on 4 Things That Keep Your From Achieving Your God Given Dreams!

How You Can Support Us!
As you know we are in ministry fulltime and we are always seeking ways to grow the ministry, meet the needs of others and be of service to the world.  Each month we are going to offer a special product for a special price for our newsletter readers!  This month, we are offering my book, Confessions of a Big Girl for only $12.00 including shipping!  If you'd like an autographed copy, send $12.00 viawww.paypal.com to naimasbrokenbox@yahoo.com!  Or give the office a call at 937-367-4303 and we can take your order over the phone!

We Need Your Shoes!
We are collecting shoes for the Haitians that live in abject poverty on the sugar cane plantations in the Dominican Republic.  Want to donate a pair of shoes? Email me at naima@ministryofnaima.com for instructions on how you can donate.

How Can I Serve You?
Planning a women’s ministry event?  Interested in a house concert or special music for your church event?  Need a guest worship leader?  Please contact me, I’m now taking requests for bookings for July through December 2015 and I would love to be of service to you.  Send me an email atnaima@ministryofnaima.com for more info or to discuss details.

Many Blessings!  Now go out and achieve your calling! 

Naima

What I Learned Waiting For Boaz, Part II

Lesson 3:

Don’t Pass a Counterfeit Bill

I’ve heard 99% of the time the counterfeit comes before the real thing.  Do not get caught up with a brother (or sister) you know is not the one for you.  Unless you’re Haggai, (if you don’t know the story read it) run quickly from those who don’t met the standards that the Lord ordains for your life.  I wasted precious time running after, praying for, mourning and desiring several men who were not ordained for me. 

If they are married to someone else, they are not the one.  If your statement of faith does not agree they are not the one. If you think you can change them, they are not the one. If they told you that you are not the one for them, believe them.  People who use counterfeit money can get in a lot of trouble. When I think of what would have happened and where I would be if I had married several other men I thought was the one I would have wound up in prison for passing bad bills.

Lesson 4: What’s Up With Your List?

Women often share with me their lists of what they are looking for in a mate.  They go over details telling me that Mr. Right has to have all of these attributes. Many of them are still waiting.  I had a list once, it included the obvious: saved, on fire, in ministry and supportive of the call on my life.  Real things that should never be compromised.  Then there was the superficial: great cook, frat boy so we could do ”Greek” stuff together, similarly educated, love to read, dress nice, be a musician/producer! And Lord don’t let him have no thug life past. And red hair, yes you read that right, red hair!

I came to understand that it was fine to have preferences, but what if those preferences were keeping me from meeting my Boaz?  So I threw the list out and prayed, Lord send me what I need, not what I think I want.  Because if you send me what I need it will be a million times better then what I think I want!  My hubby showed up not in the package I was expecting, he’s got a testimony, a serious past (but that’s his story to tell) he does cook, but he sure ain’t no red head.  But the Lord sent me the man I needed and the man I needed is the only man I’ll ever want. 

Confessions of a Big Girl

Excerpts from Confessions of a Big Girl by
Dr. Naima Johnston Bush

From The Introduction…
But the direction came, write the story of my life, and I think who would want to hear about it? There is a blessing in obedience, by recounting it, maybe I can dislodge it and close the moving picture show in my head. So I’ll tell the story of food addiction, of a loving and struggling family, of mixed up men and musical masterpieces. Yet, I have been accused of playing house in my mind, so maybe pouring out this tale of woe, of triumph, of the dismantling of a life and the reconstruction of a saint, will speak for me. Perhaps if I share with others the truth of who I am then they will understand why I have played house in my mind. Perhaps they will say I never played at all.

From, The Truth of Ralph…
Women like me are defined as “testers”, we get involved with men and give them all these silly little secret tests instead of communicating with them our needs and wants. You know what I mean – we assume. Shouldn’t he know how much I want to be with him? We scream to ourselves, despite the fact that he could never really know our heart since we never shared it or showed it. Women like me are matchmakers. We meet our Mr. Everything and what do we do? Assess that he could never be interested in our imperfections and proceed to hook him up with our best single girlfriend, since she’d be perfect for him. Then stand back devastated since our heart’s desire is now hanging with our best home girl. And my favorite, women like me are defined as husband preparers. Sure, work all your little kinks out on me, let me tell you all about how a woman should be treated, listen to your emotional mess and pray with you and for you, then smile at your wedding. I try not to be bitter, but this guy, like several other men I cared deeply about married someone else and had the nerve to send me an invitation to the wedding.

From, An Ode To Government Cheese…
The lobby was teeming with people, line out the door; some were from the local community hoping that they could get down with the free cheese program. Oh… but that was the purpose of the rent book. In order to claim your government supply of surplus goods from the farmers of Ohio, you had to actually prove that you lived in the projects! And if you couldn’t prove it, you were dismissed and sent on your way cheeseless. We were high class, living in the projects; we didn’t live in the tenements across the street. We were privileged to obtain this gift from the government, it contributed to healthy kids, we would have good nutrition, perhaps it made us less of a Medicare risk. Cheese was good for you the government asserted, never mind that it was fattening, caused earaches and mucus build up, as well as constipation.

Weird Harold and Other Boys…
Angry and resentful I ate and determined that no one would take from me again so I started to give it away for free. Never realizing that God had a plan for me, that these violations were not my fault, that I was worth more then my sexuality, I packed on the pounds hoping no one would notice me, that no one would want me. But the cage I imprisoned myself in never kept them at bay, there was always someone willing to take what I was offering. What a strange way to live, not wanting to give of myself, but feeling compelled to do so. My life has been fraught with many failed attempts at losing weight. From the time my parents dragged me at age nine to Harlem Hospital to lose thirty pounds, to biannual bouts with Weight Watchers, diet pills dispensed by a morbidly obese male doctor, to even sleeping in plastic bags to sweat the pounds away.

The Story of Everything…
Our relationship died after that. And that day the song was birthed that would direct the course of my ministry. As I wept before the Lord, not understanding anything that had happened over the last year, not understanding why I was alone again, I knew that I had missed it. Did I hear from the Lord? Did Peter know he was supposed to be my Mr. Wonderful? I don’t know. But I know this, as I lay across my bed sobbing and stuffy nosed after another man I loved walked out of my life the Lord spoke to me clearly and asked, “Who is your everything? Is it this man who has let you down and failed to love you? Or is it I, the one who will give you everything and love you no matter what?”

I had made a mistake, one that could have cost me the ministry and the call on my life. God never confirmed if I heard right or wrong in regards to my relationship with Peter. He only confirmed in me that He loved me no matter what and that I had made a man my idol. Lifted him up higher then God and that I even allowed someone to become a priest in the temple of my idol, listening only to their words and not the words of the Father. The song was easy to write, it flowed out of me as a song of penitence and praise, a personal reminder that God was everything I wanted, needed and dreamed of. But even knowing this did not mean I was content with the fact – I still struggle with this today. I had to run to God and give up my dreams, I had to come to Him and pray to be changed and then have the courage to apply those changes to my life.

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