A Prayer for the Singles

A Prayer tor the Singles

February, the month of flowers, proposals and lots of chocolate, which as a big girl is soooo not a good thing!  As a single woman I remember running the gamut on emotions during this time of year.  There were the, I’m so depressed moments and the, I hate men moments.  Which were often followed by the, I don’t care if I’m alone moments, the I’m so jealous I can turn green moments and the moment that signifies you’ve made your peace with Christ,  I’m just gonna hang out with my girls cause I’m alone and I’m going to have a good time, even if I feel a little sad sometimes. 

Coming to terms with being single is easier said then done for some of us.  I don’t know if I ever came to terms with the crushing loneliness that sometimes invaded my space.  I never fully made peace with my singleness and I know that it is often preached in many singles groups – make peace and then “The One!” will show up.  But it didn’t happen like that for me.  

Instead I simply surrendered with a prayer that went – “I don’t want to be single, You know I don’t want to be single, and You desire truth from the inward part so I’m telling You that I don’t like the thought of being single all my life.  But I know You know what’s best for me, and I trust that You will do right by me. So if being single is what’s best for me, I trust You to carry me through.”

I meet Jon not long after that and we were married in less then nine months.  What was I doing when I met my husband?  I was singing – doing what I was called to do.  After 18 years of waiting I get to celebrate, but for many a dark Valentine’s Day Jesus sustained my heart.  I pray He do the same for you if you’ve been waiting for a few years or many years, if you are a widow and desire a mate, a divorcee or a new Christian.   Be about your Father’s business and let His plan unfold.

Check out my stories of singleness and being newly married in, Lessons From The Back Seat 

And in the meantime, I'm praying for and with you! If you desire a mate and have been waiting and would me to add you to my prayer list, leave me a comment or shoot me an email!

I Told You So!

I'm working on a new book about all the lessons I learned as single waiting for my Boaz and as a married woman trying to be a Godly Wife... Here's an excerpt.  Feel free to leave me a comment and let me know what you think!

I Told You So!

One of the best pieces of marriage advice I got was this, “If you know your husband is wrong and you’ve tried everything you can to sway him to your way of thinking and he doesn’t yield, shut up! Then pray and stand back and duck.”  I remember laughing like a loon when the advisor shared that you had to duck because the Lord was going to smack your hubby with the truth of the situation!  And then he would see that you were right and he was, well, just a little mislead.

Since I’ve been married it’s true, there have been times where I knew I was right and Jon just wouldn’t budge, so I had to stand back, pray and let the Lord swing.  The truth of the matter is that this principle also works in reverse, there have been several times when it has been revealed that I was in the wrong and Jon was the one in the right.  Wives everywhere take heed – sometimes you just gotta listen to your husband.  But even in all the who’s right and who’s wrong scenarios that play out between a husband a wife there is another important lesson that I’ve learned.  I told you so should never be a comeback to revelation of wrongness.

There have been times I wanted to say, I told you so, not just to my husband but to others I know and love.  I think sometimes we use that phrase as a hammer to reinforce just how brilliant we think we are, I mean, after all, we were the ones who were right.  And since we were right we must be some superior being so linked up with Christ that we can discern His will for everybody else and we just have to make it known.

I told you so becomes a dirty little phrase when we use it against the ones we love the most when they’ve fallen down and can’t seem to get up.  Seriously, how dumb are we, do we really think they don’t know that we were right!?  They are sitting there mulling over the mess they made and we just have to self righteously declare we knew better all the time.  How loving is that?

Which brings me back to that great piece of advice. When we stand back and ask God to be God in someone’s life, to direct them in the right way not our way, we do need to pay attention to the outcome, we may in fact need to duck.  My husband and I are linked together in the most intimate relationship on earth as defined by the Bible, when he or I make a bad decision it rocks us both – we are one flesh. 

We are Team Bush – a 3 Chord Strand of Jon, Jesus and Me – not easily broken.  Our consequences good or bad are shared.  If a decision is made that causes the team to take a loss, strike out, or suffer, it’s not a time to be trite and flippant.  Rather, this is a time when we realize that I told you so should only be applied when Jesus steps in, fixes the mistakes, shields us from the pain, or covers up the mess.  When Jesus steps in the only I told you so used should be… I told you so, Jesus handled it and I told you so, I’ll always love you, we are team. Don’t shoot your wounded partner and a strong marriage you will make.  

What I Learned Waiting For Boaz, Part II

Lesson 3:

Don’t Pass a Counterfeit Bill

I’ve heard 99% of the time the counterfeit comes before the real thing.  Do not get caught up with a brother (or sister) you know is not the one for you.  Unless you’re Haggai, (if you don’t know the story read it) run quickly from those who don’t met the standards that the Lord ordains for your life.  I wasted precious time running after, praying for, mourning and desiring several men who were not ordained for me. 

If they are married to someone else, they are not the one.  If your statement of faith does not agree they are not the one. If you think you can change them, they are not the one. If they told you that you are not the one for them, believe them.  People who use counterfeit money can get in a lot of trouble. When I think of what would have happened and where I would be if I had married several other men I thought was the one I would have wound up in prison for passing bad bills.

Lesson 4: What’s Up With Your List?

Women often share with me their lists of what they are looking for in a mate.  They go over details telling me that Mr. Right has to have all of these attributes. Many of them are still waiting.  I had a list once, it included the obvious: saved, on fire, in ministry and supportive of the call on my life.  Real things that should never be compromised.  Then there was the superficial: great cook, frat boy so we could do ”Greek” stuff together, similarly educated, love to read, dress nice, be a musician/producer! And Lord don’t let him have no thug life past. And red hair, yes you read that right, red hair!

I came to understand that it was fine to have preferences, but what if those preferences were keeping me from meeting my Boaz?  So I threw the list out and prayed, Lord send me what I need, not what I think I want.  Because if you send me what I need it will be a million times better then what I think I want!  My hubby showed up not in the package I was expecting, he’s got a testimony, a serious past (but that’s his story to tell) he does cook, but he sure ain’t no red head.  But the Lord sent me the man I needed and the man I needed is the only man I’ll ever want. 

Lessons I Learned While Waiting on Boaz

Lessons I Learned While Waiting on Boaz…

I was single for a long, long, long time!  And I learned many lessons while waiting for Mr. Right to appear.  I often get to minister and share with single women waiting on their husbands.  So I thought I would share with you the Life Lessons I learned while waiting to be found by my husband.

Lesson One - Tell Jesus the Truth

I often heard when I was content being single my husband would show up – just appear out of thin air.  I spent years trying to be content and feeling extremely guilty that even after much prayer, reading every singles book out there and fasting, I couldn’t find this elusive contentment.  So I decided that I would just tell Jesus this truth.  I knew that the Lord knew what was best for me and I came to understand that if I never got married then somehow that was what was best for me, even if I didn’t like it and I sure wasn’t content. 

Finally I surrendered and shared that with the Lord.  “Father”, I said, “You know I don’t want to be single, I don’t like it, I’ve been single a long time, but if I truly trust you, I know you will do what’s best for me.  And if that’s being single, then You will sustain, comfort and walk with me. True Story, I met Jon within the next year.

Lesson Two: Be About Your Father’s Business

Don’t wait to do the things that you desire to do for the Lord because you are single.  Pursue your passion, live your purpose, walk in the calling the Lord has placed on your life.  Spend your time doing two things, being about the business the Lord has called you to and becoming the best wife (or husband) you can be.  Be focused in the Lord, get your finances together, learn to communicate, clarify your needs, fast and pray – become that Proverbs 31 woman or that wise man of integrity like Boaz.   Jon and I met because I was I was doing the Lord’s work.  He booked me for a concert after finding me online while he was researching artists he wanted to book for a church event.  If I had never stepped out on faith and left my GOOD paying job at Wright State University to obey the call of God to sing His praises, I’d still be in Ohio, single…