Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Worship While I Wait

Less then two months ago I stood on the stage at Samantha’s Lil’ Bit of Heaven testifying about how good the Lord had been to Jon and me. I shared that for the first time since we had been married we found ourselves at the turn of the New Year not having to move due to some crazy circumstance that had befallen us.  There would be no frantic search for a new home with very little provision to pave the way.  We were in the best place we’d ever been financially, the Lord had provided a warm home that we had lived in for a year.  I even remember telling Jon in the car on the way to New York that although I did want to move in the spring, I was really glad that we didn’t have to move anytime soon.

Then we pulled in the driveway after our trip home… and every light in our house was on.  The coldest winter in years had crushed my dream.  We had three pipes burst in a three week period.  Water rained down at the most unexpected moments ruining mementos, flooding rooms with inches of water, defiling the air with that wretched wet smell and forcing us to sleep in the living room.  Our landlord was no help, as a matter of fact he said he wasn’t going to fix anything until March when the weather finally bottomed out and Spring returned.  We were incredulous; it was the middle of January!  Who could live in this stench and the poor puppies were banned from the back of the house because I did not even want them walking on the carpet.  We had fans going and two dehumidifiers running and the heat turned up on high, but nothing helped as pipes continued to explode.

And then the Black Mold set in… and I found myself asking the Lord what was up with this!  Hadn’t we been in this place before?  Hadn’t I learned all the lessons I needed to learn?  Were we truly going to have to move out and find someplace else to live again?  And that’s exactly what we had to do.  Pack up everything we owned, put it in storage and revert back to the gypsy life until the Lord opened up a door for a new home.  It’s been almost five weeks and we are still vagabonds.

After standing on the stage at Samantha’s and proclaiming the faithfulness of the Lord and how finally, for the first time in three years we didn’t have to move and how stable things had become I was faced with the same situation.  I could contribute it to a Job Complex, we often fall back to believing this when faced with trials and tests.  I could believe that I had fallen short and hadn’t learned everything I needed to learn the first two times around with this test.  I could say that I needed to be rock solid in my faith, more consistent, a better steward, that I needed to learn to worship no matter what the situation was.  I could even blame it on my husband selfishly thinking there’s something he has to learn in all this and since I’m his wife, I’m along for the ride.  I could blame it on so many things and point the finger to try and give myself some peace.

But the truth of the matter is that there is no place to point and no one to blame.  Maybe it’s all the things I’ve mentioned and maybe it isn’t.  This is a moment when the scripture that the Lord’s ways are much higher then mine is truly relevant.  My responsibility is to worship and to obey no matter what is going on.  To take a step in faith and trust that the correction will come if I am out of line.  Right now I feel like a homeless gypsy, but I am so much more then that.  I am a daughter of the King, and even if it does not feel good or it makes no sense, I am determined to worship while I wait.  I will look up and live and trust that this is all working together for my good, and that the glory of the Lord draws near.