Last summer I sat down to write a blog about an upcoming concert where I would be introducing my new music. I wanted to write something inspiring about how I wrote the song, Dying To Know You and how Christ is waiting and longing for those who don't know Him to come to know Him through a personal introduction by one of His children.
But as always, my plans and the plans of the Lord always seem to be a bit different. As I sat down to write, a particular incident came to mind that I meant to share but then my Aunt passed away, needless to say it never happened. I'm always finding myself in the midst of some deep life lesson based on the prayers that I pray. Once it was for patience and I was unemployed for over a year, once I prayed that I would truly know the Lord and the power of His resurrection. What a year that turned out to be, after what seemed a million bumps, bruises, and challenges, I found myself revisiting that verse and honing in on the rest of it, that I may know you and the power of your resurrection and the fellowship of your suffering! That explained most of 2005 and 2006! And here's another doozey, I asked to be content being single and we all know how that's working out.
Anyway, earlier that year I prayed and asked the Lord to help me learn to sit silent before Him. Truly experience His presence in quiet worship. That our relationship would be truly intimate, so intimate that we could be together and not say a word. Imagine what happened next. I had some of the driest prayer times I have ever had in my life. I'd get down on my knees and wait, and wait and wait some more. Everything would be quiet, and my mind would start to wander and I couldn't focus. I'd start praying about anything and everything but then felt led to be silent. So I'd sit silent and I'd wait. I wouldn't hear a thing, wouldn't be led to move on anything, and it didn't seem like any of my questions were being answered. It didn't even seem like the Lord was near.
Then finally after a few months of this, I was once again on my knees trying to pray. It was so quiet and I was just waiting. Even Bianca sat still, lying next to me waiting patiently for her quality time. And nothing came. I said Lord I'm not getting up until I get something, until I touch you - and still nothing. Exasperated I waited and waited and big girls like me, well our knees start to hurt when we are on them to long. Finally frustrated I smacked my hands down on the couch ready to pop up and go about my day. Muttering under my breath I was so busted that it seemed like Jesus was so far away.
Then I heard it. Laughter. Not mean laughter, more of an amused chuckle. The kind of laughter a parent gives a child who is being taught a lesson and the child is having a hard time dealing with the learning. And then I knew what the laughter was and what it meant. And I began to laugh, to crack up. I laughed so hard I was bent over and could barely breath.
So what was it? Jesus was laughing because He was only answering my prayer. I asked to learn to sit in silence, to worship Him in true quiet, to learn to just be with Him. Well how could I learn this if I didn't experience the quiet? The quiet that drew out of me a deeper longing then ever before to truly know Him and be with Him. A quiet that caused me to tenaciously wait, immobile and determined. I learned at that moment that the beginning stages of intimacy are often awkward but well worth the wait if you do the work to build the relationship.
In the quiet Jesus was teaching me how to just be with Him. Not to ask for anything, not to constantly be speaking empty words just because I'm suppose to say something to worship Him. No, He was teaching me how to lean on His knee, with my head in His lap, to expose my heart, to give myself to Him with utter abandon and absolute trust. He was teaching me His peace. And so perfect is that peace.
Who wouldn't want to meet a God who loves like that and laughs when He teaches us lessons of life? He's Dying to Know You; guess there's not too much more I can say?
Want to hear the song, Dying to Know You? It's on the Fan Fav Charts at Indie Heaven! Click the banner below to visit the charts and click the stars to cast your vote for the song to help it move up the charts!